I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
