Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize