Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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