I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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