Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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