Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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