he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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