You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You pole danced in your parka.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
