What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
