Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
