I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
