i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
