She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
