"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
