so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize