There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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