When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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