i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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