Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
