I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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