Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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