On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
