I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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