i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize