just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
