My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
