I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
