elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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