how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize