does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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