its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
