I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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