dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
