i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize