it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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