..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
