a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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