she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
