Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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