Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
