He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
