So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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