We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
