I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
