I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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