I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
