she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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