dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize