Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
