College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if only i could text you this smell
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
