I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
