The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
