last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
