Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
