i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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