porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
