Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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