haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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