Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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