He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
