She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
