Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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