Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
