i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
