Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
