Whatcha textin bout Willis?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
