Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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