Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
