I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize